TLP426: Closing The Confidence Gap with Kelli Thompson

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning leadership and executive coach, keynote speaker, and the critically-acclaimed author of “Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.” In Kelli’s two-decade career leading teams in primarily male-dominated industries, she received industry awards for her ability to build programs that cultivated the pipeline of future leaders. Kelli explores how both women and men give away their power. She critiques outdated definitions of executive presence based on masculine norms and advocates for a more individual-focused approach. Kelli shares insights on balancing authenticity with professional expectations, including dress codes, and introduces her “Situational Savviness Matrix” for effective communication. She offers advice on salary negotiations and determining if it’s time to leave a situation by evaluating values, skills, and energy. Kelli previews her upcoming TED talk on the dangers of idolizing leaders and how it stifles personal intuition and leads to corporate issues. She concludes by defining confidence as trusting yourself despite fear.     Key Takeaways [02:53] Kelli shared that she's a certified storm spotter and originally wanted to be a meteorologist. She studied meteorology in college but decided against the career due to its demands. Kelli also discusses weather prediction, comparing it to leadership. She notes that while we can't control circumstances, having the right tools is essential.  [06:54] Kelli explores how people give away their power, often by not knowing what they stand for. She shares her own experience of following others’ advice, which led to an unfulfilling career and personal life. Kelli emphasizes the need to define your values and have the courage to say no to anything that doesn’t align with them, inspired by the Hamilton quote: "If you don’t know what you stand for, what will you fall for?" [09:10] Kelli discusses how women might give away their power by saying "yes" to fit in or climb the ladder, while men might do so by suppressing traits that don’t fit traditional norms. She highlights that men who are empathetic or collaborative may struggle with their careers and personal well-being when they hide these qualities. [10:40] Kelli discusses helping clients find clarity by focusing on core values. She starts with core values and works to define non-negotiables and how they want to be perceived. Kelli uses tools like the Enneagram to uncover motivations and blind spots, helping clients identify strengths and talents. This clarity leads to better decision-making and confidence. Kelli also shares the inspiration behind her Clarity and Confidence Women’s Leadership Program, created to provide tools and strategies for overcoming systemic challenges and personal doubts. [15:55] Kelli explores the outdated definitions of executive presence often based on traditional masculine norms. She notes that the modern workplace, created by men for men, still reflects these old standards. Kelli advocates for redefining executive presence to honor individual styles and values. She shares her experience of balancing directness with respect and love, showing how to align personal authenticity with effective leadership. [18:27] Kelli discusses the challenge of balancing authenticity with professional expectations, especially regarding dress codes. She recounts her experiences from banking and pharma, where strict dress codes were enforced. Kelli suggests evaluating if you can conform to an organization's dress code before joining. She stresses that while organizations may prefer certain behaviors, the real focus should be on whether these behaviors drive results. Kelli also explains that executive presence often relates more to building relationships and influencing others than to superficial standards. [22:40] Kelli explores the role of adaptability in executive presence, stressing that what works in one region may not in another. Kelli shares her experience with phone sales, where directness didn’t work in the South, and introduces her “Situational Savviness Matrix” to balance directness and politeness. She concludes that executive presence is broad, and focusing on specific behaviors is more effective than the general term. [25:58] Kelli explores salary negotiations. Kelli stressed the value of "situational savviness" and detailed how employees should prepare by gathering salary data, quantifying accomplishments, and making a clear ask. She noted that raises may take time and require approvals. Kelli discusses the courage needed to handle requests and the option to set specific performance goals for future raises.  [30:45] Kelli discusses the crucial questions to ask when deciding if it's time to quit something. She outlines key questions to ask before quitting: Is this situation aligned with my values? Is it using my best skills? How does it affect my energy levels? Is it moving me closer to the leader I want to become? If many answers are negative, it might be time to quit. She also explores why people stay in toxic environments, highlighting fear of regret and the unknown. Kelli advises making informed decisions by asking tough questions and understanding your values before making a move. [36:51] Kelli previews her upcoming TED Talk, set to address the harms of putting people on pedestals. She explains how idolizing leaders based on experience or charisma stifles personal ideas and intuition, leads to corporate scandals, and creates feedback gaps. Scheduled for November at Creighton University, her talk will be about ten minutes long and available online in February 2025. [40:27] Kelli Thompson talks about the performance element in leadership and how being intentional about how people feel when led is crucial. She defines confidence as the ability to trust yourself and act despite feeling nervous. Kelli challenges listeners to take one tiny step towards a goal while feeling terrified, as confidence comes from taking action.  [42:28] Closing quote: And remember, I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is to be on my own side. Be an advocate for myself and others like me.  —  Maya Angelou   Quotable Quotes "A big part of not giving our power away is defining what we stand for and having the courage to say no to everything that isn’t that." "Showing up in a way that honors our unique approach but also honors our values is key to aligning with the type of leader we want to become." "The strongest arguments for salary increases always include market research, demonstrated performance, and a clear ask." "Sometimes the hell you know feels more comfortable than the hell you don’t." "We don’t change until the pain of our current circumstances outweighs the fear of the unknown." "Confidence is the ability to trust yourself and to take action on that. The actions of confidence come first; feelings of confidence come second." "Leaders become jerks because they don’t get the feedback they need. We put them on a pedestal and silence our ideas." "You have to do the thing while also feeling nervous. Confidence is a side effect of taking action."   These are the books mentioned in our discussion with Kelli   Resources Mentioned The Leadership Podcast | Sponsored by | Rafti Advisors. LLC | Self-Reliant Leadership. LLC | Kelli Thompson Website | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | X (Twitter) |