TLP413: “Culture Becomes the Worst Behavior that You Tolerate” -Kelly Byrnes

In this episode, Kelly Byrnes from Voyage Consulting Group shares valuable tips about leadership and career growth. She underscores the significance of leaders recognizing their impact on others and the need to cultivate trust within their teams. Kelly also discusses strategies for senior leaders to avoid burnout by staying attuned to their emotions. She advocates for integrating leadership development into daily routines and ensuring personal aspirations align with true happiness. Kelly highlights the crucial role of kindness and respect in workplace success. She provides practical tips for personal growth, such as visualizing your ideal day. Additionally, Kelly conveys that true fulfillment comes from living in accordance with your values, both professionally and personally.     Key Takeaways   [02:13] Kelly shares that her love for business started when she was a kid playing with Barbies. Instead of typical weddings, her dolls were busy running the show and setting up shops. Even at eight, she had a job at a nearby store. She also mentions that her passion for business has been there from the start, making her journey pretty cool.   [04:55] Kelly notes that leaders often underestimate their impact on their teams, from their words shaping morale to overlooking trust dynamics. She believes this lack of awareness stems from leaders' focus on business goals and their desire to support their teams, rather than a negative intention. Kelly stresses the importance of self-awareness in leadership, emphasizing it as an ongoing journey to understand one's influence on others. She also highlights the prevalence of burnout among senior leaders, caused by overwhelming workloads and new expectations for emotional support.    [11:47] Kelly emphasizes using influential psychology books like Cialdini's "Influence" and Kahneman's "Thinking, Fast and Slow" with care and purpose. She advocates for respectful and honorable leadership that balances performance goals with compassionate interactions, avoiding manipulation and burnout. Kelly also believes in setting clear expectations while treating individuals with empathy, fostering high performance without resorting to coercion or excessive coddling.   [16:24] Kelly emphasizes promoting critical thinking skills by challenging individuals to consider alternative perspectives and generate multiple solutions. Instead of simply accepting initial answers, she encourages deeper exploration by asking probing questions like "What about this?"   [18:00] Kelly emphasizes the importance of being mindful of how others perceive you based on your actions and choices, urging deliberate and intentional behavior. She believes that integration is key to successful development initiatives, advocating for programs that are woven into everyday work and aligned with strategic goals. Additionally, she highlights the value of facilitators who have practical experience and can offer both practical guidance and aspirational goals, empowering individuals to aspire to greatness and providing opportunities for growth and challenge.   [21:26] Kelly stresses the importance of understanding individual preferences and needs, highlighting listening as a key leadership skill. She discusses potential updates to her book on professionalism, noting shifts towards emphasis on communication, work-life balance, tech proficiency, and collaboration with diverse teams in the modern workplace.   [23:47] Kelly advises individuals to shift their focus from themselves to others, especially in unfamiliar or high-pressure situations such as boardroom meetings or client interactions. She suggests taking a more understated approach, avoiding the urge to draw attention to oneself and instead focusing on observing and getting to know others. By practicing empathy and understanding others' preferences, individuals can build genuine connections and effectively communicate, following both the golden rule (treating others as you want to be treated) and the platinum rule (treating others as they want to be treated).   [25:58] In her book, "All In and the Five All In Strategies," Kelly advises readers to find joy in the present rather than postponing it for the future. She emphasizes the importance of having a vision for one's life and suggests envisioning an ideal day and considering preferred work activities. Kelly shares an exercise she did in 6th grade of listing 100 life goals, revisiting it annually. By pursuing goals intentionally and embracing challenges, individuals can find fulfillment beyond happiness. Kelly believes that triumph comes from overcoming obstacles and encourages embracing life with courage and optimism for an extraordinary experience.   [37:10] Kelly reflects on her lifelong list of goals, including riding a camel, which she set in 6th grade. Despite growing up in Kansas City, Missouri, where camels aren't common, she seized the opportunity during a volunteer day at the local zoo. Although initially met with skepticism, Kelly's determination led her to assist the camel caretaker, eventually earning her a chance to fulfill her childhood dream. This experience illustrates Kelly's belief in the power of intentionality and perseverance in achieving life goals, whether it's meeting new people or embarking on adventures.   [28:35] Kelly generously offers to share the first half of her "My Fulfilling Life" digital workbook with anyone who emails her. This workbook focuses on visualizing one's life and includes exercises such as listing 100 life goals and identifying personal strengths. Kelly's childhood experience of affirming self-worth influences this workbook, which aims to help individuals create a fulfilling life.   [34:35] And remember, mindfulness is about love and loving life. When you cultivate this love, it gives you clarity and compassion for life, and your actions happen in accordance with that. -Jon Kabat-Zinn   Quotable Quotes   “Culture becomes the worst behavior you tolerate.”   "The way you treat people has to be different."   "Leaders underestimate the impact they have on people; their words and moods set the tone for teams."   "People look to leaders for career guidance and inspiration, yet leaders often miss this influence."   "Self-awareness isn't about fixing flaws but understanding our effect on others and regulating responses."   "Don't settle for the first things off the top of your head. Ask 'What else?'"   "Spiritual values influence who you are, what you think, and how you behave."   "Listening is probably the most undervalued skill in leadership."   "It's about understanding what signifies value to each individual, not just imposing one's own perspective."   "Work-life balance is now a priority, with boundaries and scheduling expectations."   "Diversity in teams requires the ability to collaborate with people from varied backgrounds."   "Be deliberate and intentional about what you share and show, as it contributes to how people judge and assess you."   "Look for facilitators who have practical experience and align with your company's needs."   "Be less focused on yourself and more focused on others in professional settings."   "Observe, listen, and get to know others before asserting yourself."   "Don't try to be the center of attention; take it easy and be understated."   "Enjoy life now, rather than constantly putting off happiness for the future."   "Regularly review and refine your life goals to stay intentional and focused."   "Fulfillment comes from pursuing triumphs, not just fleeting moments of happiness."   "Taking risks and embracing challenges lead to a more extraordinary life experience."   "Don't fear life's curveballs; anticipate the greatness that lies beyond them."   This is the book mentioned in our discussion with Kelly:     Resources Mentioned The Leadership Podcast | Sponsored by | Rafti Advisors. LLC | Self-Reliant Leadership. LLC | Kelly Byrnes LinkedIn | Kelly Byrnes Website |