Simple Things I Say to My Kids

When we speak to our kids, words do matter. We don't have to get it right all.the.time, but I like to use the same phrases repeatedly to help drive home important lessons. Therefore, I’m sharing the 10 exact expressions my kids hear on a regular basis. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most impactful. You can either listen along or read--in today's episode, I'm sharing how I use these and why they are important.



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1. “Sometimes we get angry with each other, but we still love each other”⁣⁣



Why does this matter? Because children tend to think in black + white…all or nothing. It is developmentally normal for kids to think in absolutes—but it can be hurtful. For little ones, it can be hard to understand that we can still love each other AND be angry with one another—those feelings can coexist.⁣I love you/I hate you. You are my best friend/You are my worst enemy. ⁣⁣It’s not easy for children to see the gray area in between. When we get upset with each other and angry feelings are exchanged, it’s not uncommon for our kids to fear that your love might be turned off like a light switch. So in our house, we end every dispute with this phrase, “Sometimes we get angry with each other, but we still love each other”. Because even if the default is for my kids to think in black and white, I’m going to make darn sure they know that my love is absolute and unconditional.







2. “It sounds like you don’t prefer this…”⁣



Our kids are allowed to say no. They are allowed to opt out. But sometimes they express themselves in words that we don’t love. “This food is gross. I don’t like him. I hate this toy. I won’t play that game."⁣⁣We could spend all day telling them the words we do not want to hear. “Don’t say that” or “Don’t be mean”. Or instead of criticizing their criticisms, we could lead by example. We can respond with the words that we want to hear instead. As their language is developing, they will adapt to the words that we use (but it takes time!). ⁣⁣That’s why I respond to complaints and negativity with, “It sounds like you don’t prefer this”. This allows me to acknowledge their choice and reflect back some new (more desirable) language to be filed away in their brains and used in the future. ⁣







3. “As your Mama, it’s my job to keep your brain and body healthy”⁣



⁣Can I have candy? I need more iPad time. I don’t want to go outside. I want whipped cream for breakfast. ⁣⁣Our kids are persistent. And often they want things we don’t want to give them. Full disclosure, this phrase is as much for ME as it is for them. This saying gives me strength and helps me stay rooted in my principles. It also helps my kids to recognize that I’m not just “being mean”, I’m actually just doing my job. ⁣⁣Here’s a specific example of how I used this recently:⁣⁣“I know, I know. You don’t want to go on a hike. You just want to stay home and watch TV. But as your Mom, it’s my job to keep your brain and body healthy. That means I have to feed you good food and make sure you move your body a lot. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m just doing my job."







4. "I feel like I’m about to get angry.”⁣



⁣(In many ways, this feels like a threat. But these sayings aren’t about being perfect, they are about being real.) So here’s why I use it. Anger has the tendency to simmer quietly inside of our minds and then explode. When you are trying to hold in your agitation, you are sitting and simmering in silence and then all the sudden you are YELLING—you just can’t hold it in anymore.