Believing Your Kids Won’t Love You… Because You Don’t Love You

Are you insecure about your parenting—wondering if you’re doing a not so great job? If you grew up insecurely attached without a lot of self-love, you probably fear that you will unwittingly insert your old patterns and beliefs into your kids. And no matter how hard you try, you see your kids exhibit avoidant behaviors like hiding, people-pleasing or not taking responsibility for their actions. You feel guilty, so instead of allowing them to screw up and suffer the consequences, you protect them by giving them a “get out of jail free card,” money, cleaning up after them, doing their homework, etc. You do not want them to suffer disappointment or anything negative. On top of it, you people-please your own kids for fear they won’t love you. Rescuing your children from life experiences doesn’t help them. It’s actually a disservice because dealing with disappointment builds emotional resiliency, which is key to happiness and wellbeing. When you try to make it easy for them as children, you make it harder for them as adults—this is a lesson I have personally learned. A lot of my choices around raising my kids came from fear. Now, however, we have an open, loving relationship built on honesty and proper boundaries. If you want your children to become adults who trust themselves, love themselves and prioritize themselves, stop protecting them from pain and rejection. Letting your kids show up for themselves is the best thing you can do for them.